Breaking Habit

"And yet, this craving runs deeper than merely a desire for the new; it is a thirst to find the confirmation that yes, we can and do know ourselves to exist. Regardless of the surroundings or challenges. We throw ourselves into new situations thinking we're searching for differences, but what we really want to see is the commonalities that still remain, because they prove our existence and indicate a recognizable structure in the morass of contemporary human life."

- It's About As Close As We Can Get, Nathan Vass from The View From Nathan's Bus

It's a strange and wonderful feeling when you find someone who shares your same zest and excitement for life and its people. I've never met Nathan Vass, but I feel like I already have just from reading his stories. Maybe it's because riding the bus is also a huge part of my life. Maybe it's because I really enjoy the challenge of finding beauty in the monotonous motions of everyday life. The scary thing is, up until a few days ago, I thought I had lost this vitality.

This fall I did not bring my camera to school everyday and the photo-of-the-day project did not exist, as you may have noticed. Midway through the quarter I realized how unhappy I was with myself, school and life, and it hit me that a big reason why this was happening was because I was not pursuing my photo project. Instead of disciplining myself to be intentional in seeking out those little bits of beauty and amusement, I drudged in and out of school and work accepting that life had just reached a new level of wearisome uniformity. Indifference is a scary state and I was wallowing in it, indefinitely. It was only then I realized why I enjoyed, and needed, the project so much. It kept me going. It was never about the photo and always more about the search.